Category: Daring Greatly

DARING GREATLY LESSON 6: DARING GREATLY

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Lesson Objectives

  • Learn why the gap between our aspirational values and the values we actually practice is where we often struggle to maintain our integrity and where disengagement most often happens.
  • Explore the actual gaps between our aspirational values and practiced values and develop strategies for staying aligned with our values through daily practices.
  • Develop our own manifesto to set intentions around our values and the daily practices that support those values.

 

Reading Assignment – Daring Greatly

Chapters 5, 6 and 7

Lesson Video – Mind the Gap

Exercise One – Mind the Gap

During the first lesson we identified several of our most important core values. Now, let’s explore the gap between our aspirations and our practice of these values.

This process is not about beating ourselves up for things not done. Instead it is about identifying where we are out of alignment with our values and exploring how we can begin to remedy that.

Answer the following questions:

 

 

 

 

Exercise Two – Daring Manifesto

Definition of manifesto:

A written statement declaring publicly your intentions, motives, or views.

Origin of manifesto:

From the Latin manifestus – to manifest, to clearly reveal, to make real; first known use was in 1620.

Why have a manifesto?

  • To remind you in one powerful statement of who you really are and how you want to make a difference.
  • To help you stay true to your core values and act on them.
  • To gain the opportunity to be vulnerable and connect with those you love by sharing your manifesto with them.

 

Look at the statements below. Which ones resonate most with you? Fill in those statements and start writing your manifesto. Use action words and strong declarations. Your manifesto can be as short or as long as it needs to be.

  • The values that guide me in my effort to show up and be seen are . . .
  • I stand for . . .
  • I am most curious about . . .
  • I must do something about . . .
  • I am most passionate about . . .
  • I have the courage to . . .
  • I love . . .
  • In my heart of hearts, I . . .
  • I am on this planet to . . .
  • I will love myself by . . .
  • I will dare greatly by . . .

 

 

Incorporate creative elements into your manifesto when it’s done: color, photos, art, or a manifesto anthem can bring it even more to life. Hang it on a wall. Share it with those you trust, and ask for their support.

 

Art Journaling Exercise

Journaling Instructions:

  • Decorate your journal page by adding color or other background images to reflect how you want your manifesto to make you feel.
    • You can use the supplies you have available to get creative when completing and decorating this journal page.
  • Find or take a picture that represents joy, strength, and power and attach it to your journal.
  • Write down your manifesto on the other page.

 

Courage Works, Daring Greatly

DARING GREATLY LESSON 5: THE ARMORY

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Lesson Objectives

  • Learn the armor we use to protect ourselves against feelings of shame and how the uncertainty associated with vulnerability affects our ability to practice authenticity and experience connection.
  • Explore how and why perfectionism, numbing, and foreboding joy are three of the most commonly used armoring practices and how to move through them toward increased authenticity.
  • Learn how to recognize shame including our physiological responses.
  • Cultivate shame resilience skills.

 

Reading Assignment – Daring Greatly

Chapters 3 and 4

Introduction Video

Lesson Video – The Armory

Lesson Video – Shame Shields

Exercise One – The Physiology of Shame

Use the blank spaces to complete the following sentences with your own thoughts and ideas:

IF SHAME WERE A COLOR, IT WOULD BE . . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Exercise Two – Shame Shields

Below are the three Strategies of Disconnection as developed by Linda Hartling, a relational-cultural theorist.

  • Moving away – withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping secrets.
  • Moving toward – seeking to appease and please.
  • Moving against – trying to gain power over others, being aggressive, and using shame to fight shame.

Answer the following questions:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Art Journaling Exercise

Journaling Instructions:

  • Find or take a picture of what shame looks like or feels like for you and attach it in your journal.
  • Get creative with this page. Feel free to add stamps, stickers, color, etc. You can use the supplies you have available to get creative when completing and decorating this journal page.
  • Free journal using the following questions:
    • What does it feel like when you are in shame?
    • Do you move against, do you move toward, do you move away?
Courage Works, Daring Greatly

DARING GREATLY LESSON 4: THE ARENA

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Lesson Objectives

  • Define shame and learn why we must develop the language to talk about shame in order to develop resilience and increase empathy.
  • Learn to recognize how shame, scarcity, and comparison show up in our lives and how they affect engagement, trust, and connection.
  • Begin to examine how social-community expectations relate to shame, vulnerability, and courage.
  • Differentiate between the four self-conscious emotions: shame, guilt, humiliation, and embarrassment.

 

Reading Assignment – Daring Greatly

Chapters 3 and 4

Lesson One – Exploring Your Arena

 

Exercise One – Exploring Your Arena

Look back at your answer to the question, “Where do you want to show up, be seen, and live brave?” That is the life arena we want you to explore in this exercise.

 

For example: the box seats, the critics section, the cheap seats, or the support section with empathy and self-compassion seats?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lesson Two – Shame and the Arena Door

 

 

Exercise Two – Shame and the Arena Door

Your hand is on the door of the arena…

 

 

 

Art Journaling Exercise

Journaling Instructions:

  • Find or take a picture that represents you entering your arena and attach it to your journal.
  • Free journal using the following questions:
    • What are the gremlins saying right before you are about to walk into your arena?
    • What gremlin messages are stopping you from going in?
  • You can use the supplies you have available to get creative when completing and decorating this journal page.
Courage Works, Daring Greatly

DARING GREATLY LESSON 3: EMPATHY AND SELF-COMPASSION

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Lesson Objectives

  • Learn how to practice empathy skills through understanding the five attributes of empathy.
  • Identify the differences between empathy and sympathy and learn how to connect with empathy or “feeling with” vs. “feeling for.”
  • Learn the three components of self-compassion and assess your own level of self-compassion through Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Scale.
  • Develop skills to help you connect meaningfully with people who have different perspectives from you.

 

Reading Assignment – Daring Greatly

Chapters 3 and 4

Lesson Video – Empathy and Self-Compassion Part 1

 

Lesson Video – Empathy and Self-Compassion Part 2

Exercise One – What Does Empathy Look Like?

Use the blank spaces to answer these questions with your own thoughts and ideas. For the multiple-choice questions, check as many answers as apply and feel free to add your own answers in the blanks.

 

 

 MAKE EYE CONTACT
 LOOK AWAY SO I DON’T FEEL SO SELF-CONSCIOUS
 REACH OUT TO HUG ME
 GIVE ME MY SPACE
 RESPOND RIGHT AWAY
 JUST LISTEN AND STAY QUIET

 WORRY ABOUT SAYING THE WRONG THING
 WANT TO SAY SOMETHING REALLY COMFORTING
 GET NERVOUS
 WORRY ABOUT NOT FEELING ANYTHING
 DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO IF I REALLY DON’T WANT TO KNOW
 WANT TO FIX IT

If you ask 100 people to complete this exercise, you’ll get 100 different answers. Empathy is highly individualized and we all need different responses at different times based on the issues. There is no easy formula for empathy. There’s just connection and paying attention.

 

Exercise Two – Practicing Empathy

 

When we’re looking for connection and empathy, we need to share with someone who embraces us for our strengths and struggles – someone who has earned the right to hear our story.

But finding that someone takes practice. When it comes to empathy, it’s often about connecting with the right person at the right time about the right issue.

 

Read the following scenarios describing various types of empathic misses. Ask yourself when and with whom you’re more likely to experience this, AND when and with whom you are more likely to respond to someone else’s struggle like this.

 

1) Indicating that shame is warranted: The friend who hears the story and actually feels shame for you. The friend gasps and confirms how horrified you should be. Then there is an awkward silence. Then you have to make this person feel better.

 

 

2) Sympathy: The friend who responds with sympathy (“I feel so sorry for you”) rather than empathy (“I get it, I feel with you, and I’ve been there”). If you want to see a shame cyclone turn deadly, throw one of these at it: “Oh, you poor thing.”

 

 

3) Disappointment: The friend who needs you to be the pillar of worthiness and authenticity. This person can’t help you because she or he is too disappointed in your imperfections. You’ve let this person down.

 

 

4) Judgment or righteous anger: The friend who is so uncomfortable with vulnerability that she or he scolds you: “How did you let this happen? What were you thinking?” Or the friend looks for someone to blame: “Who was that guy? We’ll kick his butt.”

 

 

5) Minimizing: The friend who is all about making it better and, out of his or her own discomfort, refuses to acknowledge that you can actually be crazy and make terrible choices: “You’re exaggerating. It wasn’t that bad. You rock. You’re perfect. Everyone loves you.”

 

 

6) Comparing or competing: The friend who confuses “connection” with the opportunity to one-up you. “That’s nothing. Listen to what happened to me one time!”

 

 

We have all experienced these empathic misses, AND we’re all capable of being “these friends” – especially if someone tells us a story that gets right up in our own shame grill.

We’re human, imperfect, and vulnerable. It’s hard to practice empathy when we’re struggling with our authenticity or when our own worthiness is off-balance.

That’s why we have to commit to practicing empathy, screwing it up, and circling back.

 

Exercise Three – Self-Compassion Assessment

 

Now follow the link to Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Assessment on her website.  The assessment can be found on the colored box on the right side of the page. Test your level of self-compassion. The assessment is self-scored and the results tie back to the three elements of self-compassion. Look for the box below:

Once you’ve completed and scored Neff’s Self-Compassion assessment, answer the following.

 

Video – The Power of Empathy

A few participants commented on this video in the lesson discussion, so we’re adding for everyone to view.

Art Journaling Exercise

Journaling Instructions:

  • Decorate your journal page by adding color or other background designs.
  • You can use the supplies you have available to get creative when completing and decorating this journal page.
  • Find or take a picture that represents healing touch and attach it to your journal.
  • Write down words and phrases you would say to a close friend when they are going through a difficult time.
    • Add your name to the end of each of these phrases.
  • Write down a healing mantra:
    • Example: “This is hard, but I can do hard things.”

Video – Into the Bones

Courage Works, Daring Greatly

DARING GREATLY LESSON 2: THE MYTHS OF VULNERABILITY

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Lesson Objectives

  • Challenge old definitions and dispel the myths surrounding the concept of vulnerability.
  • Examine how your early experiences of vulnerability shaped your understanding of what it means to experience uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
  • Learn the relationships between vulnerability, courage, and full engagement and how that affects the way we live, love, and lead.
  • Identify the potential barriers you may face when practicing vulnerability and how the practices of laughter, song, and dance help build connection.

 

Reading Assignment – Daring Greatly

Chapter 2

Introduction Video

 

Lesson Video – The Myths of Vulnerability

Exercise One – Vulnerability Sentence Stems

Complete the sentence stems below:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Exercise Two – Arena Anthems

 

Taken from Gifts of Imperfection:

Laughter, song, and dance create emotional and spiritual connection; they remind us of the one thing that truly matters when we are searching for comfort, celebration, inspiration, or healing: We are not alone.

From the eight-track tapes my parents played in our station wagon to my stack of vinyl records from the 1970s to my mixed-tapes from the ’80s and ’90s to the iTunes playlists on my new computer, my life has a soundtrack. And the songs from that soundtrack can stir memories and provoke emotion in me like nothing else can.

I realize that not everyone shares the same passion for music, but the one thing that is universal about song is its ability to move us emotionally – sometimes in ways we don’t even think about. For example, I was recently watching the director’s cut of a movie. It showed a very dramatic scene from the film with music and then without music. I couldn’t believe the difference.

The first time I watched the film, I didn’t even notice that music was playing. I was just on the edge of my seat waiting and hoping that things would turn out the way I wanted them to. When I watched it without music, the scene was flat. There wasn’t the same level of anticipation. Without music it felt factual, not emotional.

Whether it’s a hymn at church, the national anthem, a college fight song, a song on the radio, or the carefully scored soundtrack to a movie, music reaches out and offers us connection – something we really can’t live without.

In this exercise, I want you to find your arena anthem – a song that will inspire you to stay brave when the gremlins start getting to you or when you start to doubt your ability to stay vulnerable through the tough parts.

You might choose just one song or you may choose to put together a soundtrack or playlist. Either way, make space to explore the role of music in your life and how it can shape your experience of stepping into the arena.

 

Please consider sharing your anthems in the lesson discussion. I’ve made some great playlists based on the arena anthems people have shared with me! 

 

Art Journaling Exercise

Journaling Instructions:

  • Find or take a picture that represents how the song you chose makes you feel and attach it to your journal.
  • Select lyrics from your anthem song that stand out to you.
    • Write down those lyrics in your journal and decorate around them.
    • You can use the supplies you have available to get creative when completing and decorating this journal page.
  • Free journal using the following questions:
    • Why do the lyrics pump you up?
    • What specifically hits home for you?
    • What do you love about this song?
    • How do you feel when you are about to walk into your arena and how does the song change those feelings?
  • Play the song as you do this exercise.

 

Courage Works, Daring Greatly

DARING GREATLY LESSON 1: HOW VALUES LIGHT THE WAY

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Lesson Objectives

  • Identify 1-2 potential barriers to engagement in the course and begin to develop strategies to deal with those barriers with a permission slip exercise.
  • Choose an arena in your professional or personal life where you want to demonstrate the courage it takes to show up, be seen, and live brave.
  • Learn how values operate in our lives and the role they play in daring greatly.
  • Identify the key values in your life and identify the behaviors that support them so you can learn to recognize when you are in value alignment and when you are not.

 

Reading Assignment – Daring Greatly

Introduction and Chapter 1

Lesson Video – How Values Light the Way

Exercise One – Permission Slips

Sometimes the first step is giving ourselves permission.

Think about what you need in order to get the most out of this class.

Maybe you need to give yourself the gift of time.  Maybe you need to give yourself permission to be honest or look at issues with a new eye.

Sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission to “not know” – to stay curious and open.

Fill out your permission slip Post-It note. (This will show up as a Post-It note in your workbook.)
You’re welcome to write more than one permission in the same field.

 

 

Exercise Two – Identify Your Arena

In this exercise, think about an arena in your life where you want to show up and be seen. Having something specific to think about as you work through future lessons will help you get the knowledge in your bones.

Your arena doesn’t have to be a big event or moment. It can be any place in your life where you would like to be more authentic.

Sometimes our toughest arenas are the small moments or the goals we’ve forgotten or the relationships we’re neglecting.

It is important to be as specific as possible –

  • I want to have a more honest relationship with my sibling.
  • I want a closer, more intimate relationship with my partner.
  • I want to have the courage to run for my son’s school PTO.
  • I want to start making and selling my own jewelry.
  • I want to ask for a promotion.
  • I want to take a new class at the local community college.

 

Exercise Three – Values Clarification

“A value is a way of being or believing that you hold most important.”

Brené Brown

 

Download the attached List of Values and circle the words that most resonate with you. Look for the words that you consider most important and essential to who you are. Be creative! Don’t feel limited by the sample list provided. Add new words for any value that’s important to you but not on the list.

List of Values

Reflect on the words you circled.

 

What are the actions or activities that exemplify these values?
What choices do I make that breathe life into these values?

 

Who are the people that encourage and support me when I’m acting on these values (especially when it’s not comfortable)?

 

Because of these values, my life is more:
Without these values, I would be missing: 

 

“There are no guarantees in the arena. We will struggle. We will even fail. There will be darkness. But if we are clear about the values that guide us in our efforts to show up and be seen, we will always be able to find the light. We will know what it means to live brave.”

Brené Brown

Let’s think about values in terms of the lantern. Download the attached lantern and then answer the questions on the worksheet.

The Lantern Exercise

 

Art Journaling Exercise

Journaling Instructions:

  • Find or take a picture of yourself and attach it to your journal.
  • Write the names of three people you admire.
  • Under each name write several bullet points describing the things you admire about them.
    • What do you love about that person?
    • What inspires you about that person?
  • You will begin to see patterns in the qualities you wrote down. Use these patterns to choose or refine the values you most identify with.
  • You can use the supplies you have available to get creative when completing and decorating this journal page.
Courage Works, Daring Greatly