Think of a person you constantly find yourself judging – someone whose choices, values, and/or behaviors you find annoying or unacceptable.

Think about the person you picked during the video.  List 3-4 specific boundaries.

Barriers to Living BIG

• Perfectionism
• Fear of grief
• Sadness
• Fear
• Self-judgment

Conspiracies & Confabulations (The story I told myself)

Write three key learnings.

Start writing your brave new ending.

What does everyone need to come to the table and rumble with respect and openness? I know we’re all in struggle right now, can we set an intention to come to the table in a respectful, open way? What does everyone need to feel comfortable sharing? What are our ground rules for rumbling? What emotions are people experiencing?

Let’s check in. What are you feeling right now about what’s happening? About this rumble?

Can we work to make sure our responses are in line with our ground rules? Can we make a commitment to really hear each other? As Stephen Covey teaches, “Can we seek first to understand, then to be understood?”

What do we need to talk about – not the easy topics but the stuff that no one is saying? Rather than leaving here and talking about how we’re really feeling, can we surface those topics here? If not, why not?

If we look at our SFDs – those first stories we told ourselves about this issue – and compare them to what we’re hearing in this conversation, what ideas/opinions are changing? What new information do we have? What ideas do we need to challenge? What do we need to let go of?

Do we tend to jump to the same conclusions? Do we blame or scapegoat? Is there one narrative that we turn to every time there’s disappointment or stress? Have we developed some patterns or habits that we need to change?

Now I want you to write your SFD.  Keep the SFD to three or four lines. Short spurts of writing can be more helpful to the process than long narratives.

You may be in the midst of a story, or you may be recalling a story from the past. Both scenarios are equally powerful and appropriate.

When it comes to our SFDs, it’s important that we don’t filter the experience or worry about how our story makes us look. We can’t get to our brave new ending if we start from an inauthentic place. You can be mad, self-­righteous, blaming, or confused. Don’t worry about editing or trying to “get it right.” You’ll know you’re being honest if you’re worried that someone might see your SFD and think you’re a total jerk or a nut job. We all have SFDs that don’t reflect who we want to be, but they will help us become who we want to be.

You can either start with Exercise One – My SFD or with Exercise Two – SFD Writing Prompts: Unleashing Curiosity – whichever is an easier place for you to start.

“We can’t get to a brave new ending if we start from an inauthentic place.”

Brené Brown

Below are prompts to help you think about your SFD. You can start with this exercise if it’s easier for you, or start directly with writing your SFD.

Use the Story Rumble Glossary to help understand what you’re really feeling. Reviewing the emotion definitions can help provide clarity.

What are the facts in the story?

What assumptions am I making?

What additional information do I need?

What questions or clarifications might help?

Now we get to the more difficult questions – the ones that take courage and practice to answer.

What’s underneath my response?

What am I really feeling?

Sometimes you may not play a part.  Even so, it is still helpful to think about this question and write down your answer.

Permission Slips

This is a good time to revisit your permission slips.

Mindfulness

Definition from the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley:

• Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-­by-­moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment.

• Mindfulness involves acceptance, meaning that we pay attention to our thoughts and feelings without judging them—­without believing, for instance, that there’s a “right” or “wrong” way to think or feel in a given moment.

• When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.

“The research participants who taught me the most about breathing occupy what we would traditionally think of as opposite sides of the professional continuum: yoga teachers, meditation leaders, and mindfulness practitioners on one side and soldiers, firefighters, first responders, and elite athletes on the other.”

Brené Brown

List 2 or 3 examples.

Tactical Breathing

Breathing is used by a wide range of practitioners – from yoga teachers and meditation leaders to firefighters, elite athletes, and military professionals. Instead of offloading emotion, mindfulness and breathing give us the awareness and space we need to make choices that are aligned with our values.

Here’s how it’s done:

• Inhale deeply through your nose, expanding your stomach, for a count of four – one, two, three, four.
• Hold in that breath for a count of four – one, two, three, four.
• Slowly exhale all the air through your mouth, contracting your stomach, for a count of four – one, two, three, four.
• Hold the empty breath for a count of four – one, two, three, four.

You can think about the process as “box breathing.”

This is a great time to revisit the concept of permission slips. Now that we’ve worked our way through Daring Greatly, you have a better sense of what you might need to finish strong!  Add to your existing permission slips or start a new stack.

Fill out your permission slip Post-It note. (This will show up as a Post-It note in your workbook.)

And just a reminder: You’re welcome to write more than one permission in the same field.

1. If I am brave enough, often enough, I will fall; this is the physics of vulnerability.

2. Once I fall in the service of being brave, I can never go back.

3. This journey belongs to no one but me; however, no one successfully goes it alone.

4.  I’m wired for story.

5. Creativity embeds knowledge so that it can become practice. I move what I’m learning from my head to my heart through my hands.

6. Rising strong is the same process whether I’m navigating personal or professional struggles.

7. Comparative suffering is a function of fear and scarcity.

8. I can’t engineer an emotional, vulnerable, and courageous process into an easy, one-size-fits-all formula.

9. Courage is contagious.

10. Rising strong is a spiritual practice.

This may be a great time to revisit permission slips!

The Three Acts of a Story

Act 1

The character faces or is confronted by a challenge and accepts that challenge. The rules of the world are established, and the end of Act 1 is the “inciting incident.”

Act 2

The character looks for every comfortable way to solve the problem. By the climax, s/he learns what it’s really going to take to solve the problem. This act includes the lowest of the low.

Act 3

The character needs to prove s/he has learned the lesson, usually showing a willingness to prove this at all costs. This is all about redemption—an enlightened character knowing what to do to resolve a conflict.

Choose a favorite story from a movie, TV show, book, or fable.

Act 1:

Does the character deny the problem? Blame someone else? Avoid the issue? Look for an easy answer? Fall apart? Run? Shut down? Get angry?

What happens that forces the character to finally turn toward the problem and face the challenge?

Act 2:

The Story Rumble Glossary can be found in the Lesson Files below.

Act 3:

If the definition of vulnerability is uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure – how did your character face and handle these experiences?

Identify one or two values that drive and inspire your main character.

Pick a story of struggle that you want to explore.

Remember, a fall can be a small moment, a painful conversation, a big failure, or a growing disappointment. The important thing is to be specific. Capture the moment in detail. Also, be sure to only talk about the moment of your fall – don’t try to figure out the ending.