All I Want

“I want to grow with you, see how much we can thrive together.

I want to help you fight for your dreams and see them come to life.

I want to be there for you, when it all seems like too much, I want to be the voice that reminds you of hope.

I want to make you smile and laugh, to experience joy every day.

I want to be real with you, to open myself and lay down my armor.

I want quiet nights filled with sweet nothings.

I want days filled with you, and I want to continue seeing you, in your weakest or in your strongest, I want to be there with you.”

-T.B.Laberge

I hope

I hope you find someone who smiles at you every time you walk in the door. Who finds beauty in your scars. I hope you find someone who never leaves you guessing. Someone who lets you know for certain how they always feel about you. I hope you find someone who never hesitates to love you. Who doesn’t just give you pieces of their time but it’s entirety. I hope you find someone who knows just how special you really are. How your soul needs to be loved. I hope you find someone who is your biggest supporter. Who doesn’t just seek attention but gives it in return. But mostly, I hope you find all of these things in yourself first so that you can be ready for this type of love.

~Natalie Peralta ♥️☝🏻. –

@thequotesway

Angels don’t live in hell

If you’re looking to be her hero, you should start looking elsewhere. She doesn’t want a hero. She wants a best friend. A person who loves her for her and a person who isn’t trying to “put her back together.” She has come to terms with her brokenness. She has realized that no matter what, her past is her past, and it has helped her become the strong woman she is today. She doesn’t want a man who goes around thinking he can fix everyone.

Because what kind of person thinks that their presence will alter someone else’s past?

Probably a conceited person, probably a person who has never been hurt. And that’s not a person she wants to be with. She wants to fall in love with a man who has been broken just like her. She wants a man who has cried his heart out to a girl to try and keep her and still had to watch her walk away.

She wants a man who was his own hero just like she was because that’s a man with love to give. She wants a man who knows pain and heartache because that’s a man who knows what he wants.

He knows how to love and he knows how to love with everything he is.

A man who only wants to “save” her is a man not ready for a mature relationship. He is a man who doesn’t understand how being “saved” doesn’t change what has happened to you and it doesn’t make it hurt less.

She wants a man who understands what pain can do to a person, and how it is okay to have been broken by someone you loved.
Because she just wants a man who just loves her. She is done running around with men who don’t care. Who act interested but then end up breaking her heart.

She just wants a man who has been there, done that and is now looking for the real side deal.

Because even though she doesn’t need to be saved, she does want to be loved.

Source: Article by Nicole Clements.

🙋🏻‍♂️🆘

“You know, it’s very surprising to learn that a woman is not only willing, but decidedly eager to give to a man that leads her by the understanding that she is different than every other woman before her. It shows her that he is willing to learn the uniqueness of her needs, and honestly, that can make her feel safe enough to express them. But again it also saddens me to learn that this is both rare and priceless, is the man that intensely seeks…”

Source: @snowwolfunleashed
#poetsoftheunderground – #regrann

Relationships, by Cindy

I think facebook is mostly a big waste of time and I hardly ever post on it anymore (compared to before…..) but every now and then I see something that really resonates with me and I feel the need to share it, or at least post it here so that I have easy access to it later.

Today a friend of mine posted something really transparent and honest and one of her friends, Cindy, gave this advice to her. Not only did it get the thumbs up from me, but I even Ctrl-C’d and V’d it right here. Also, I love talking about stuff like this. I love hearing about people’s struggles, challenges and ultimately their successes. I love finding out about people’s journeys and their passions. We are all here figuring out our lives, might as well take care of each other and help each other out. This is what I offer my friends. Come over (once I find a house) and we’ll open up a bottle of wine and talk about life. Or, we can use the Marco Polo app and talk it out that way. BTW, if you don’t have Marco Polo on your phone you should check it out. What an amazing way to keep in touch. I use it almost daily with my crew.

“Relationships are like a bus line. Go to the corner and get on a bus that’s going in a direction you like. If the bus is going where you don’t like get off on the corner and wait for another bus. Another one will come along. You can’t control the bus. Don’t take the driver by gunpoint and lead him down another route. He is already driving his own route. Let him continue on it. There’s nothing wrong with his route it’s just not yours. The route you need will come to you! That’s the great part- you get to choose your route not someone else! Put the gun down let that bus Go!”

The best way to stop being lonely is to act like someone who isn’t lonely.

I did not write this, but I found it online and thought I would share. -MLG

This is the real fake-it-til-you-make-it. Sadly, nothing is a bigger social repellant than loneliness. People don’t want to take on your emotional baggage when they barely know you. And people don’t want to feel like they are interesting to you purely based on the fact that they are better than nothing. So you need to get out there and meet people, but as if you already have a basically completely full life and are willing to make some space for them. And when people are friendly to you and make overtures, say yes, but don’t over do it. These overtures likely mean they are somewhat interested in getting to know you better, not in interviewing you to immediately to be their new best friend or love of their life. Remind yourself to take things slow.

Pursue your personal interests.

Join a writing workshop, take a language class, learn how to throw a pot, learn how to tap dance. If you have time be lonely, you likely have a lot of time on your hands, use it! Activities doing what you love are good for the soul, keep you busy and with a full life, and you will meet people with common interests this way. It also makes you way more interesting when you meet other new people.

Initiate plans with the friends you already have.

Don’t feel bad about always being the initiator with people. Most people are pretty self-centered and kind of glide through life reacting to stuff, rather than being “pro-active.” When your friends don’t call you, it’s not because they don’t care, it’s likely because they aren’t thinking as far ahead as you are, and aren’t thinking about that much other than themselves or maybe their immediate nuclear family. And don’t look down on being the initiator, it’s a great characteristic to have and develop. Initiators are why relationships last.

Get out of bad romantic relationships. Being lonely because you are with the wrong person feels worse than being lonely because you are actually alone.

Sometimes the loneliest people actually have a partner — but it is not a good fit. The initial break-up will probably feel like shit times ten, but once the acute period rolls back, you will likely feel much much better. Get a break-up buddy for this, call a friend, and it’s doesn’t even need to be a very close one and recruit. I recommend selecting someone who has been through a break-up relatively recently. This is the person you call or text when you are tempted to call or tempt your ex. This is the person you vent to in those first few weeks of wallowing. This is the person who will get your ass out of the house and back into life when it’s time to stop the wallowing period. Also, this shows that just having an SO is no panacea for issues of happiness and loneliness, don’t romanticize the idea that all you need is a partner and then you’ll be all set.

source

A Plot of Entitlement

Let’s talk about an experience that many people (many, many) have unfortunately had to live.  It starts as a normal day, maybe you have some strange feelings that something fishy is going on and then you find something that was not meant for you to find — and in a second your entire life unravels.  Everything falls apart.  The truth is that we don’t know what is in our future because the future is unpredictable.  What about our past?  When you trust someone and then one day you find a digital trail of their transgressions, it’s easy to start to question your past and to think you can no longer rely on anything that you thought was true before.  It is said that up to 80% have experienced some sort of betrayal in their lives.  Some experience it as a child, as a sibling, or as a lover.  In relationships you can be the victim, the strayer, or just a friend who was watching from the sidelines.   Unfortunately this is one of our most common experiences but is also one of the least discussed.  I am hoping that by sharing my thoughts on this, based on my own experiences and lessons learned, that it can one day help someone else that finds themselves going down this rabbit hole.

In a world where we are so connected by technology, we are also pretty disconnected.  It seems like we are all having the same types of problems and conflicts, yet we don’t really talk about them much.  Once upon a time, the wise person of the town sat in the square and everyone talked in public and now this all happens in an office behind closed doors.  We have access to this information through books, websites, blogs, podcasts and other methods, but we are easily overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information out there.  How can you even know where to start or how to digest all of it?   I think the key is to share our experiences.

In my story there are two people, not without problems, but generally a good fit.  Could we have overcome this?  Absolutely not.  Did I want to at the time?  Absolutely!  To be fair, I was a crazy person throughout this.  The way this all happened, so suddenly and without much warning took me to some craaaaaaaaaazy places.  Almost to the point that I could not even recognize myself with my obsession to find the meaning and truth of it all.  This is a huge reason why I say that we could absolutely not overcome this – because I was left to find the truth and explanation on my own, and where I didn’t find the explanation I had to fill in the blanks.

There was no talking, no discussion because everything that came from the other side was a lie.  Actually a lot of lies.  So the number one question becomes why?  What were you looking for so bad that it was worth risking and losing everything?  The reality is that there are two sides to this coin.  So I’ll talk about my side and the other side.

On my side of the coin there are questions such as what was my contribution to the relationship?  Did I do my part or did I just show up?  Did I really put the best of myself forward in every opportunity?  Did I give what I wanted to give or did I give what the other person needed?  In relationships, we often will give to the other not only what we ultimately want but what we want the other person to give to us, and that’s not the way it should be.  These are important questions and I can see what what I offer best in a relationship is stability.  Security.  Safety.  Love.  These sound like simple things, but for many it can be a challenge.

What does that leave?  Adventure.  Surprise.  Novelty.  Freedom.  This is the other side of the coin, things that are not my strong points.  These are not the things that I typically look for, or deliver, in a relationship.  I enjoy them now, as a single person, but when I’m partnered up, I really dig in to the other side.  So, we can assume that, if paired up with a person that needs these qualities in a relationship, they might find themselves searching in other places for these needs to be met.  This doesn’t excuse the behavior by any means, but it shows that without morals, without integrity, someone could get lost trying to find themselves.  They are not leaving the person they are with, but leaving the person they have become.   It’s not that they want to find another partner – they want to find another version of themselves.  Maybe even a lost version of themselves.

And in the wake of all of this growth, expansion and self-discovery there is a person left feeling hurt, betrayed and rejected.  It’s selfish.  It’s entitlement.  All of it could have been avoided by having a difficult conversation.

If given the opportunity, and knowing what I know now, what would I have asked?  Were you looking for this or did it just happen and you didn’t resist it?  How did you justify to yourself that this was okay?  Did you think about how this would affect me?  Did you want me to find out or did you hope I would never find out?  All I needed was an acknowledgement that I was hurt.  Just a glimmer of concern for what happened and maybe a sprinkle of remorse.  The bottom line was that there was a violation of trust and whether or not there was any guilt about the action itself, there should have been an expression of guilt for betraying the commitment that we made to each other.  What I needed was to understand why you did this and how you got to the place where you were okay doing this.

It’s probably for the better that I never got the answers to these questions.  In the search for meaning and understanding, I found a lot of proof and painful validation of exactly what happened (with great detail).  I found a greater understanding of who I am and how relationships work.  I know exactly what my needs are and what I am able to realistically offer.  The way this unraveled is not ideal in any way, but it had to happen exactly as it did for me to find my own way.

Here’s a Tony Robbins quote:  “What happens when the worst day of your life becomes the best day of your life?”  That’s exactly where this story takes me today.  This experience sent me on an adventure of learning, growing and understanding.  I have some amazing friends.  Not a lot, but the ones I am close to are an extension of my family.  Those that have seen me through this entire journey provided the same basic needs:  a calm demeanor, structure in a tumultuous life, and reassurance that I would get through this.  They were there for me and listened to me as I figured out what I needed to do for myself.

I know a lot of people come out of experiences like this with a lot of issues, mainly with trust, fear and faith.  Rachel Botsman says that “Trust is a leap of faith or engagement with the unknown.”  Although I put all of my trust in a person that ultimately let me down, I have not lost my ability in trusting in love again.  As I look to the future there are two forces:  fear and faith.   “Both are about the future, both convey something that is unknowable, both are experiences of life, and both are built on your imagination. The only difference between the two is that fear is imagination undirected and faith is imagination that we consciously direct to create what we want in life.”  Without faith there is no future.  If we allow fear to dominate our life, then nothing will last.

The lesson here is clear.  You are not simply a manager of your circumstances.  Divorce your story of limitation, of pain, of being injured, or of being a victim and marry the understanding that you are the creator of your own life.  You can change anything if you own that responsibility.  If you want something to change, then you have to change.  If you want something to get better, than you have to get better.

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